'(AJC) Mike, over here mate! [Mike'staggers through the pub holding his'pint with both hands.] I haven't seen'you for ages - er, 21 years to be$precise. Siddown! let's have a chat.
'(MSR) Andy, how's it going, mate?'[Slips as he tries three times to mount'the barstool, eventually managing,'spilling most of his drink on his
trousers.]
'(AJC) Well... what to talk about? Oh I'know - something to do with PD. Yes.'Er... ah. Over the past three weeks,'you know, I've had letters and'contributions from people who've only'just gotten hold of Dark Portal. I also'get many cheques even today from'Artistix, which is knocking on three to'four years of age (I mean, I was barely0out of
[3msixth form
[23m when I coded it!). Do$you think PD is ageless, in a sense?
'(MSR) Ageless? I can't >possibly< agree'with that - like everything, PD has a'definite shelf life. How many copies'have you seen of that "Classic"'AmigaDOS guide, DOSHelper? I think'everyone would buy a copy of CLIndex'Professional now for their DOS duties';-) But seriously, although DOSHelper'was always going to be limited by'AmigaDOS's revisions, stuff like games'and demos age as soon as they're'released. Utilities last for as long as'the operating system. I think that your'productions age slower because they'don't rely on the operating system -'there are none of the hallmarks of age0in them. Besides, fiction
[3mis
[23m ageless.'You could re-release Dark Portal today'and it would still do well because it'is based around stories. General PD
doesn't survive long.
'(AJC) Alright, let's talk about Share-'World. And let's start off on a'downbeat note. :) What do you think of
those God-awful limericks?
'(MSR) Sounds like a loaded question to'me - I can't even be bothered to stick'amusing comments next to their names in'the Questionnaire any more. Limericks'are the simplest form of humourous'poetry, and really have no place'outside of the classroom. I mean when'were they invented? 18-hundred-and-'something? I tell you, Edward Lear's'got a lot to answer for. Not least "The
Owl and the Pussycat"...
'(AJC) Actually - and I'm sorry to drift'away from the exciting subject of'ShareWorld - I recently saw a review of'Hellbound (`Black Dawn 6') in a'diskmagazine called Amiga Frontier.'Didn't like the mag, didn't like the0review, and I
[3mlaughed
[23m when I realised'the reviewer was the same bloke who'd0done the fucking
[3mgraphics
[23m for'Hellbound! Yeah, okay, the game's'pretty good, but every single review'that it's ever hooked up has neglected'to mention the incredible amount of'bugs, glitches and brown stains left by#the programmer throughout the game.
'(MSR) Hahahaha! I take it you're not a'fan of the Black Dawn "continuation".'To be fair, it does have some good'ideas but it does crash a lot. I've got'no problem with the artist reviewing'the game as long as the review is fair.'For example I myself have reviewed'P.L.E.B.S., but I feel I am vindicated'as a) I had no other involvement with'the game other than the coder used the'music from one of my Licenceware disks,'b) I have nothing to gain if the'software sells well, 'cause I've'already got my quid from the'Licenceware company and c) my music0wasn't even
[3mon
[23m the demo. And I didn't'review the sonics. But I'm sure some0bias
[3mcould
[23m have crept in if the artist'was a friend of the programmer and was'getting royalties fromt he game.
Hmmm...' The question I've got to ask,'though, is how come the reviews have0
[3mall
[23m missed the bugs? Far be it from me'to suggest that the reviewers didn't'play the game properly but it does seem0a
[3mlittle
[23m odd. Especially since it is'nearly impossible to get off level two'because there's an invisible spinner in
on of the corridors.' But your game Thunderdawn crashes'when you fall down a hole, Dark Portal'1, Black Dawn 2 and Legions of Dawn'frequently crash under Kickstart 2.04,'Forbidden 2 has a problem with one of'the Amigaguide links and many of your'productions require the first line of'the startup-sequence to be changed to'"Echo <something>" before you can get'the mouse pointer to show on my'machine. None of these bugs were'noticed by reviewers. Perhaps the'problems only occur in extreme0circumstances. Anyway, explain
[3myour
bugs...
'(AJC) Most of the bugs in my software'are caused by AMOS itself (Yeah, yeah,'cue a huge comment from Carl "Blitz,Bastard Basic" Read :).
[35m(AMOS is'wonderful! I only wish there was just'one AMOS coder somewhere who had also'learnt English so we could then have an'AMOS column in the mag. But it seems,none have progressed that far yet. Ed.)
[37m'It seems that AMOS screws up on'different Kickstart versions when you0start creating
[3mbig
[23m programs that use'both Icons and Sprites. Believe me I've'done everything I can to fix these'problems - the one about echoing a'message onto the CLI screen has been'snapped up and utilised in all my new'software and, of course, injected into'the older stuff, so don't get on my'back about that one. Even the Thunder-!Dawn bug is an AMOS memory fault.' The new Black Dawn games contain'non-AMOS bugs. They're a result of bad'programming, and I don't mean to insult'the author here. Messy bits of text'overlapping the control panels,'flickering buttons/game screen caused'by lack of synchronisation, and some of'the levels are very poorly thought out.'I'll probably get my face slapped for'`attacking' the new Black Dawn games'but hell, you ain't seen the shit I've'had to put up with in the instruction'documents and reviews of of these'programs. Talk about slagging off in'disguise. And Parasite was an absolute0
[3marse rip off
[23m of Legions of Dawn but did$any reviewer notice? Did they pussy.' As for reviewing software you've4played a part in... well, if
[3myou
[23m'reviewed, for instance, Black Dawn II,'for which you composed a piece of'music, you'd be able to present'unbiased comments on the game itself'because the music doesn't play a part0
[3min the game itself
[23m whereas the graphic'artist of Hellbound would be rolling'around in his own work the whole time!'I mean, RPG's are probably the most'graphic- intensive games to ever appear0- nearly
[3meverything
[23m is bitmap graphics.
'(MSR) You're right about the coding0errors. I've played
[3ma lot
[23m of games were'it looks like the author has never'playtested it. What annoys me about'this kind of thing is that the program'is ever released in the first place. If'my first PD game had been as bad as'some of the ones I've played lately I'd'have never played another one, and'missed out on loads of really good'software. I often find myself, when'being in development teams, as an'impromptu playtester. A lot of coders'either ignore my advice (I tell one'Amos coder to make sure that after a'screen has been opened the mouse can be0moved into the bottom 60 lines
[3mevery
[23m'time I see a demo) or send me copies of'the game after it has been released,0often with
[3mglaring
[23m errors. I know it's'the PD and it doesn't matter, per se,'but why not get somebody to playtest0your games
[3mproperly
[23m before releasing'them. Double slap on the wrists if'you've got a string of playtesters'listed and the game is still bugged,''cause you've either taken no notice of'them or they haven't tested the thing properly.
'(AJC) Believe it or not I think I'm'actually missing the presence of Flick'and her bizarre stories and articles.'What do you think? Am I just being
silly or what?
'(MSR) You know, I thought I was the'only one. She just walked out of the'pages of ShareWorld without so much as,saying goodbye :-(
[34m(Not true! See this,issue's letters to the editor. Ed.)
[37m'Bizarre, yes - but entertaining. Come
back, Flick, all is forgiven!' I keep accidently transposing'letters while I'm typing - for example'I keep writing "mroe" instead of'"more". The letters "r" and "o" aren't'even close together. Do you think I'm'getting mildly dyslexic or is it just'the Amiga getting me back for all the
coffee I've spilled into it?
'(AJC) You've spilt coffee into your'Amiga? Goodness me, that can't be very'healthy. I once spilt beer into the PC'in the livingroom [Mike nods as he'recalls a drunken phone call he'received late one night from AJC]'but... well, it's a PC, isn't it? Who
cares?
'(MSR) That could be the start of a'great story - the computer gets beer'spilt into it, gets totally pissed and'starts making its own software,'pictures and then talks crap at you
until chucking out time.
'(AJC) So what do you make of all this'`Andy J Campbell's the most popular'ShareWorld contributor - in general''business? I found it quite amusing,'especially after so many appended'slaggings from Carl and complacent'mutterings from most of the ShareWorld'family. Do you think I ought to start'contributing again, or walk off in a
huff? :)
'(MSR) You: best ShareWorld'contributer?!? [Laughs frantically - he'did say it was amusing, after all] I'reckon you're everyone's favourite0contributer
[3mbecause
[23m they can slag you'off. We all love a bit of controversy'and as long as you and others keep on'fuelling ShareWorld's pages with such'articles the mag will stay alive. I'found ShareWorld 6 relatively boring,'to be honest. All the articles were,'like, "Isn't such and such really,'really good!" and "I agree totally with'xxx, and I want to say the following on
the subject."' On the face of it I think you've'taken the criticism a bit badly. [says'the guy who's just invited everyone who'slags him off to "come over here and'say that" :^] It's all to be taken in'good humour (even comments about your'music as being "cacophonous :-). Don't'leave us. Oh, hang on, by having this0conversation you're
[3mnot
[23m leaving SW's
hallowed e-pages. Cool!
'(AJC) Yes, okay, so I've taken the'criticism badly, but I've had a lot of'problems outside of ShareWorld - seeing'all those bastard editor's comments'stapelled onto the end of my articles'and no fuckers else's just pissed me'off at the time. Seemed like the icing'on the cake to all my depression. Plus'I've been experiencing a tremendous'"can't be arsed to write for
diskmagazines" mood lately.' Funny, though, how many readers'(outside of direct ShareWorld com-'munication) have said that ShareWorld 6'was "boring this issue" because I'haven't sodding contributed. Touching.
[3msad
[23m.' I'm hoping, actually, to contribute'a story to next issue. One that hasn't'been seen before in TQE or DP or DF or'F. Or anywhere else for that matter. Do'you think that would be possible for'me? I reckon I could do it if I tried.
(MSR) TQE, DP, DF or F?' What are they? Sexually transmitted'diseases? Nah, do it - Much of Share-'World's fiction to date has been'relatively stale. But make it good: I'm'not going to take kindly to reading a'piece of fiction that was considered'too crap for any of your other ventures.' How's it going in the fiction world,'anyway? When's your first novel coming'out? Are any more of your stories going'to be appearing in electronic or paper publications in the near future?
'(AJC) My first novel? I've never'written a novel. Novelettes, sure, or'novellas (or any other silly name you'can come up with for work about half'the size of a novel) but never anything'longer than about 40,000 words. Anyway,'to answer your question, I'm supposed'to be getting The Drug Tunnel'electronically published on the PC'along with a handful of my short'stories. It's a professional thing, not'just another PD release, so I'll get'paid for it, depending on sales. It's'not "proper" publishing, I know, but
it's still quite exciting.' Paper-wise... Er, yes, I have'stories coming out in magazines all'over the place, from here to Australia'to Canada. My most recent appearance'was DreamBomb in a US zine called
Implosion.' On the Amiga... Hmmm, you should be'seeing Dark Fiction #2 rather soon.'That'll have plenty of stories packed'within its pages. The rather small and'neat Forbidden series has been plodding'along for a while now. Issue #4 is due'out shortly, and then I'm going to save0up
[3mloads
[23m of material for a "bumper" issue #5.' Hey, you're a little bit involved in'this PC-publishing venture, too, aren't'you? What do you think of it? Do you
think it'll be a success?
'(MSR) Yeah, one of my stories,'"Fragments" is going to be in it. I'don't actually know very much about the'thing. I can't say if it will be a'success or not - I don't know enough0about the PD world on the PC. I
[3mhope
[23m it'will do well, though, because if'e-publishing gets established on the PC'it will probably get established in the'"real" world before too long. At the'moment, publishers seem a bit afraid of'modern technology, but with the'Internet boom using computers to'present books could soon become a'commercially viable and [profitable enterprise. Which would be nice.
'(AJC) Have you had any of your fiction'featured in ShareWorld? I don't think
you have, have you? How come?
'(MSR) Well Carl has a policy of only'including stories with pictures'attached. I don't feel comfortable like0drawing pictures
[3mfor
[23m stories. If I've'already got a picture that fits, that's'no problem, but I couldn't specifically'illustrate a story. It seems like I'have to explain the story to the'reader, which I dislike doing. Most of'my fiction relies on the reader reading
into it whatever he/she wants.' Hang on, wasn't "Revenge" used in'SW5? Okay, I know it was crap, but it must count for something. Maybe.' I may actually have contributed some'fiction but it hasn't been used if I'have. Perhaps I'll package up some of'my more recent stuff with pictures
>spit<.
'(AJC) Ah yes. I remember Revenge. Good,'but not a touch on your more recent'stories. But that's development.'Revenge actually reminded me a lot of0my own work - er,
[3mare
[23m you influenced by'me or any other writers from the TQE'tribe? (I admit to being quite'impressed and inspired by a lot of your'own work, especially your recent
stuff.)
'(MSR) Well it was Dark Portal 2 that'got me into the whole e-writing concept'in the first place. I've been writing'for years but nobody ever really saw'any of my work. I've definitely'"lifted" a lot of my best ideas from'your workl in particular - NONO, not0your
[3mstories
[23m themselves [reeling back'as he expects AJC to hit him], but your'whole approach. Before reading Dark0Portal 2 I'd never even
[3mconsidered
[23m'writing "truth-based" fiction. In fact,'the entire reason most of my work'failed was because I had little or no'experience of what I was writing about.'Reading your early work, I realised'that a lot of the experiences,'characters and settings were familiar -'basically I thought "I can do this" and'set about it. So I'm afradi I won't be'writing a sequel to my 99/100 rated'(but the teacher liked me ;-) Year 9'piece, "The Fox Hunt" in the
foreseeable future.
'(AJC) You seem to be writing a hell of'a lot at the moment and getting better'and better at it. Do you want to be a
professional writer?
0(MSR) Yes. I know I'm
[3msupposed
[23m to say'"I'm only doing it for myself" because0that's what
[3mall
[23m unpublished writers'say, but the only things I can do'confidently are music and writing. I'm'not a trained musician so I'd love to'get into writing. Ideally, I'd be'writing songs for a living but there'just ain't enough opportunities - all'my "musician" friends like Jazz and'(very) Soft Rock so I try to avoid
them...
'(AJC) On a different note, I rather'liked Carl Read's Sonic Interrogator'program thing. I think he's good at programming, what do you reckon?
'(MSR) Was that sarcastic? Despite0SWSI's shortcomings it
[3mis
[23m a pretty'smart program. Certainly having a'program for the questionnaire is a top'idea. I can't remember, offhand, seeing
anything else he's programmed.' [Mike orders another drink. He'notices AJC is sipping feebly at a'glass of shandy with a slice of lemon
in the top.]' You may have noticed that I've'produced some disks of copyright free'music. It is no understatement to say'they have, thus far, been less than'successful. Amiga Shopper reviewed MSR'Music 1 this month, giving it 80% and'making it "Licenceware Choice", but I'doubt if sales will pick up much. As an'end user, do you think the idea of'"ready made" music, graphics or'whatever is intrinsically unattractive
to programmers?
'(AJC) Well, speaking from a'programmer's point of view... er, not'to me it isn't. :) Well, I can't'compose music, so music disks with0freely usable tunes on them
[3mreally
[23m'appeal. Graphics... well, perhaps not,'because I'm terribly picky about'graphics (actually, I'm terribly picky'in general, but I usually find music'less difficult to get right than I do
the graphics in a production).' I saw your Amiga Shopper review.'Nice one. Did you notice, by any'chance, the Dark Fiction review in the'same issue? 86% they gave it, which is'the highest glossy magazine mark it's0had yet.
[3mAnd
[23m they didn't slag it off'(though they said it wasn't as'nice-looking as Magnetic Fiction,'which, er, doesn't make much sense).,
[35m(And have you noticed that Amiga'Shopper has also reviewed that `boring''ShareWorld #6 you mentioned before? And'it got not 80%, not 86%, but a nice big'fat 89%. Nah, na nah, na nah nah! Err -'what were we talking about? Oh yes,'ready made music disks. I agree with'Andy on this Mike. Long term, if you're'any good, you should do well out of'them. However, I suspect the main'market for your tunes isn't programmers'but the general public and the business'world who'll need an endless stream of'musak for their multi-media efforts.'Ideal for plugging into business'presentations and the like. PC CD-ROMs'is the market to aim for. The musical'equilevent of photodisks. So if I was'you Mike I'd keep churning them out and'when you've about 600k of them convert
them to PC format. Ed.)
'(MSR) You seem to have a lot of bad'things to say about PD reviewers and PD0games. Is there
[3manything
[23m in the PD you
like?
'(AJC) [AJC pauses for thought.] Not at'the moment, no. I'm bored with it. I'know, I know, Mr PD gets bored of PD.'But so what, as I must have said a'million times, I'm getting more and$more soaked up by the writing world.
'(MSR) Currently, the record most often'found spinning in my CD
is Suede's'"Dog Man Star". [he flashes his Suede'Fan Club membership card, then hides it'quickly when some hard-looking blokes'walk intot he bar] What are you
listening to at the moment?
'(AJC) CD-wise, a lot of remixed Nine'Inch Nails tracks. Other-wise, er,'several tapes forced into my walkman by'my girlfriend (and they include Suede,'Babylon Zoo, Freak Power, Whale, and,
ah, The Orb).+ Oh, what am I listening to
[3mat the5moment
[23m? You mean
[3mright now
[23m? Nothing.'[Music suddenly starts up in the pub.'It's a dance track, and it's shite.'Mike leaps up and starts moving his'body to the beat. AJC stares at him.'Mike stops, sits down and clears his
throat.]
'(MSR) Sorry. Ahem. Er... You're a'writer, programmer, artist and top'ShareWorld argument starter. Any other'skills? Perhaps you'll be composing the'music for your next production
yourself...
'(AJC) [Titters.] Er, no, I don't think0so. Music is something I just
[3mcan't
[23m get'my head around, as much as I'd love to.' Hey, speaking of music, how's your'musical side doing? What's the title of'your latest composition and are you'happy with it? Which productions have
you "scored" lately?
'(MSR) My very latest music composition'is called "Maybe ATS" and it's noly one'block long. With a bit of development I'hope to turn it into something rather'good for a new game I'm "scoring". My0latest
[3mfinished
[23m composition is called'"Somebody Else" and I think it's damn'good, although the computer translation'isn't very good. It sounded great when'I played it on a mate's electric'guitar, though. The latest productions'I've scored are your "Dark Fiction 2"'(If you use the tune, and I wouldn't be'surprised if it turns out to be too'large), "DNA", which is a cross between'the X-Files and DreamWeb, and also'"Ultimate Octane", which, two years'after I finished the soundtrack, may be'almost finished. After that, there's'nothing else on the horizon, I'm'afraid. Maybe I'll have time to finish'some of my commitments to the MED Users'Group - I'll be taking charge of the'Tutorials section in their diskmag TI,'and I've still got several parts of my'OctaMED v6 tutorial to finish. Not to'mention the imminent release of my next
PD music disk, "Feelings".
'(AJC) Would you like to live in New
Zealand?
'(MSR) Depends on the price of beer. I'suppose the seclusion would be quite'nice for writing, NZ being so far from,civilisation as we know it ;-)
[35m(You'could write a book called `Man Alone''Mike - except it's been done. Or'`Erewhon'. Getit? It's Nowhere spelt'backwards. Except that's been done too.
[37m How about you?
'(AJC) Er... no. :) Anyway, that's'enough of that. I guess we ought to end'on a positive note. :) What's the best
joke you've heard lately?
'(MSR) How do you circumcise a Kiwi?
Kick a sheep in the mouth. ;-)
'(AJC) Heheh. My go. There's this woman,'okay, and she's on holiday in the'Caribbean, and she's on the beach'collecting sea shells, right? Anyway,'one day she puts on her bikini bottoms,'grabs her sea shell collecting bag and'heads for the beach. And whilst she's'down there she sees what in her mind is'the most amazingly perfect human'specimen of the male gender she has'ever laid eyes on... with one'exception: his skull is the size of a'fist and it's on massive, broad'shoulders. Anyway, he's collecting'shells, too, so she wanders on over and'they start getting to know one another.'Finally, she says, "I must ask you'this. Why is your skull so tiny?" and'he replies. "Well, I was out collecting'shells one day, and I saw this sea conk'about the size of a VW bug with this'beautiful female genie inside it. And'the genie said I could have one wish,'so I said, `I'd like to sleep with'you.' and she said `anything, but not'that.' So, `Alright,' I said. `how
(.txt)